Over the years, I’ve had a lot of “interesting” requests from clients. Sadly, I didn’t save them, so I thought it might be fun to imagine what they might have looked like over the years, starting in 1998 — the year I built my first website.

1998

Sorry for faxing you out of the blue like this. I would like a page on the Information Super Highway. Must work in IE4 and NS4. Because of the issues with Java performance, please follow the Geocities model and switch to animated GIFs. Just need an under-construction banner for now. Is this something you can help us with?

1999

Dear webmaster, I’m starting a new business online and I need to create an AOL page that is a little like an encyclopedia, think Encarta with less movies and more gifs. I want to get the AOL keyword “Encarta Online.” I was thinking a nice frameset with navigation on the left and content on the right. It has to be Y2K compliant. I’d then need someone to submit the site to all the major web directories. Is this something you can help us with?

2000

Hi, I really need a WAP site and a Website that we can edit using FrontPage. It must have a contact form and it has to be built in Perl. Can you also add a “Works best in Netscape” gif on the bottom of the navigation frame? I am fed up of all the electronic and snail mail we get from Internet Explorer users. For search engine purposes can you also add a sitemap and take all the agreed keywords and repeat them in a white font on a white background so that my pages seem super relevant to Alta Vista, Lycos, Ask Jeeves and Google. Is this something you can help us with?

2001

I’d really like a website that takes advantage of all the new multimedia features in Internet Explorer 6. I’d like it to have a DHTML splash screen, also it has to have a fly-out menu. I think it would be really neat to have body text around 8px and preferably in a light grey colour to ensure as little contrast as possible with the white background. I can’t actually pay you right now, but this contract could lead to more work. Is this something you can help us with?

2002

I’d really like a liquid layout website. So that the webpage doesn’t look too sparse on large screens. Can you use cascading style sheets and tables to make my website look great across all screen sizes from 17-inch all the way up to 28-inch CRTs? It must look good in 800x600 and only use web safe colours. I’ve written the keywords for search engines, please use: “doctor, surgery, stitches, first aid, x-ray, pamela anderson, boobs.” Is this something you can help us with?

2003

I SEE YOU DO WEDESIGN AND CONSULTATION. I NEED A FLASH INTRO, HERE IS A STORY BOARD MY NIECE DID. SHE HAS PRETTY MUCH DONE ALL THE WORK SO I DON’T EXPECT TO PAY FOR CONSULTATION. IS THIS SOMETHING YOU COULD HELP US WITH?

2004

I really would like a website makeover. I’ve been looking over the http://cssvault.com/ and I’ve been inspired by some of the amazing examples of work. Could you completely copy today’s entry, but add our logo? I’d also really like our website to join the Blog-o-sphere. Is this something you can help us with?

2005

I’d really like a new website for my online dating company. It’s really important to me that the text is really crisp. Could you build me a website, a bit like MySpace — but for dating — that uses sIFR to make the text look great? Is this something you can help us with?

2006

I want my new company homepage to have a map feature on it. I want to use AJAX a bit like the new Google Maps, but with my company logo in the corner. Also the logo needs to be bigger. I’m not so concerned about the design as long as it pops and is XHTML compliant. Is this something you can help us with?

2007

I really like the look of Basecamp. Could you build me a site like Basecamp, but for a doctors’ surgery? As people type into the search box it should be filtered using AJAX. I would like you to use YUI to get this effect, I saw something very similar on JavaScriptKit. Is this something you can help us with?

2008

I was looking for someone who could build my website using jQuery and Django. I’m not 100% on the idea but it’s going to be like Digg.com but for dentists. I need it to be Web 2.0. For the first 3 years we should have the word Beta just under the logo, on the opposite side of the glossy badge. Is this something you can help us with?

2009

I’m looking for a web designer to paint a website we have already built. I’m passionate about user-centred design and so, to get you started, I’ve attached a list of websites I like. As additional information I also like big fonts, modal pop-up boxes and clever 404 error pages. Is this something you can help us with?

2010

Hi, I’d really like to get a website built in Ruby. I want it to be completely open source so any developer can work on it, but different, in that we would keep the intellectual property. As it’s open source, I thought our relationship would be more of a founder/partner one rather than a client/developer one e.g. no invoices. If you could build, design, and deploy the site to Heroku, I’ll handle the other tasks, such as organising the launch party, setting up the URL, creating content, and managing social media. I’m pretty sure I could get us on to TechCrunch. I’d be willing to do this free of charge. Is this something you can help us with?

2011

I need an app. I want it to be native. It should do all the things my website does, but the story you are reading should change when you shake the device. It’s highly interactive features like this that have led me to the conclusion that it has to be native. Is this something you can help us with?

2012

I want to create a really original website that builds as you scroll down the page. You know, so like, elements would fly in from different angles. You could perhaps add the occasional static background for contrast. It should be on Node. Is this something you can help us with?

2013

Hi, I’m thinking of starting up. I haven’t done anything yet, except design the logo. Could you develop a single-page website with a form for an email address? If more than 20 people add their email I will start to think about what my idea might be. It should use Ember and Handlebars, and I need a full Mocha test suite to pass before it gets deployed. P.S. that should happen automatically on GitHub commit. #DevOps

2014

We’ve just launched our new startup and need a single-page site that scrolls forever. Every section should parallax, fade, and zoom at the same time. Please add huge background videos that autoplay with sound. It must work perfectly on Internet Explorer 8. Is this something you can help us with?

2015

Hi, we need an Apple Watch app so customers can read our full company brochure on their wrist. It should include all 60 pages, complete with charts and tables, and still look great on a 38mm screen. While you’re at it, could you also rebuild the website in Google’s new “Material Design”? Is this something you can help us with?

2016

Hi there, I’d like a completely responsive site that works perfectly on every phone, tablet, laptop, TV, and smartwatch. It must load in under 1 second anywhere in the world, even on planes. We’re thinking React, Angular and Vue, so it appeals to all developers. Can you make sure it ranks #1 on Google for “website” by next week? Is this something you can help us with?

2017

Hi, can you make us a chatbot for Facebook Messenger? It should answer all customer questions, take bookings, and maybe tell a few jokes. Please make sure it feels human but not too human — we don’t want people to think it’s actually a person. Is this something you can help us with?

2018

Hello developer, we need a Progressive Web App that feels just like a native app, but we don’t want it in the App Store because Apple takes too much of a cut. It should still have push notifications, offline mode, geolocation, and access to the camera, but without any permissions pop-ups (as they can scare users). Our investors want blockchain somewhere in there too, just for the pitch deck. Is this something you can help us with?

2019

Hi, I’d like a brand-new site that looks just like Airbnb, but for renting allotments. It has to be mobile-first, obviously, and must use React, GraphQL, and serverless functions. I’ve heard JAMstack is the future, so please JAMstack it. Also, can you make it GDPR compliant and accessible, while using the design my nephew already created in Photoshop (attached)? Is this something you can help us with?

2020

Due to COVID, we need to move our entire business online this weekend. The site must support video streaming, live chat, food delivery integration, and a feature that allows customers to try on clothes virtually using their webcam. Ideally built in WordPress. Budget is £500. Also, please make sure it doesn’t use 5G — we’ve heard the rumours. Is this something you can help us with?

2021

Hi, I need an app for our school. It’s essentially just the website, but I want parents to pay for lunch using Dogecoin. Additionally, could you provide illustrations of all the teachers so we can sell them as highly collectable NFTs? Is this something you can help us with?

2022

We need a full design system. I saw a talk about atomic design, so can you build us one of those? All components must work in React, Vue, Angular, and Web Components. It should automatically generate Figma files and export a PDF-style guide. Please finish by the end of the month, as we already promised it at a conference. Is this something you can help us with?

2023

Hi, I’d like a chatbot on our site powered by ChatGPT. It should be more right-wing than Bernie Sanders but more left-wing than Elon Musk, and also completely politically neutral. Except on the subject of speed cameras, which is fair game in my opinion. Is this something you can help us with?

2024

Hi, we tried to use AI to generate our new website, and the results were… not great. The AI just didn’t get it, which is odd, because after all the years you and I have worked together, you can’t say my requests are unclear. Can you fix our prompt, or maybe just build the site yourself? Here is the specification/prompt we used:

“Build us a website for our pet grooming business that looks exactly like Netflix, but with live video of every dog being washed in real time.”

Is this something you can help us with?

2025

We’re a stealth startup, and our investors say everything needs to be powered by agents. The entire site should run on agents; every feature should have its own agent, and ideally, the agents should communicate with each other to generate new business ideas while users are browsing. It should all feel seamless, autonomous, and future-proof.

One small thing — before you start, could you just send me a quick explainer of what an agent actually is? Is this something you can help us with?

Closing Thoughts

Trends come and go, buzzwords rise and fall, but one thing remains: those who don't build the thing often get caught up in hype, and developers are frequently the ones tasked with delivering.